Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
