He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
