She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
