I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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