Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
