It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
