Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
