I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
