I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
