Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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