they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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