I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
