Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
