Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
