Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
