Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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