I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
