she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
