So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish you could order shots online.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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