Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
