Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
