I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
