Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
