she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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