Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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