i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
