shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
