This girl is more easily done than said...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
