everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
