they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
