mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
