I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
