One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
