You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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