but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
