the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
