i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
