And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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