i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
