I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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