I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
