Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
