There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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