I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
