Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
