90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
