I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
