Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
