Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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