I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
