i think my tv is drunk
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Barsexuality is the new black.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
