he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
